Sunday, March 27, 2005

Some good, some not so good...

Yesterday was a bit of a roller coaster. I met Jules, Bex and the Johns for lunch. We were supposed to be meeting at Christophers in Covent Garden, but the bar was closed and the restaurant is a bit starchy, so we nipped up the road to Zizzi, the Italian opposite The Royal Opera House. We were all slightly hungover after the previous nights unplanned extravaganza at Iain Mac’s flat. We had been at The Railway for a couple of drinks and then Iain was inviting everyone back to his place which is just around the corner. I think there were about ten of us, so we all put in a fiver and Iain went to the offie and stocked up on wine and vodka. Rather a lot of wine and vodka. Iain has the best cd collection and as soon as the first round of drinks had been poured we were putting on a selection of reliable sing-a-long tunes. My favourites were our rendition of Substitute by Clout, Bex’s vindictive”Your So Vain” and Jules wearing the afro wig and channelling Miss Diana Ross. Black John and Flattie did an inpromptu Strictly Ballroom routine complete with lifts, meanwhile one of Iain’s cushions that was next to the candles in the fireplace caught fire and Jules had to run through the room with the blazing cushion while all around her others twirled and chorused. We left at 3.30am.

The food at Zizzi and a restorative bottle of wine soon had the hangovers in retreat and we headed over to Drury Lane to see The Producers. I think this is one of the best musicals I have ever seen. It’s such a spectacular show with great set pieces and a really funny book. The cast are all brilliant apart from Lee Evans who overacts and hams it up, but even he couldn’t spoil it. I won’t go into details because I would hate to spoil it for anyone, but the “Spring Time For Hitler” number had me in tears! We left the theatre and were all tapping our way through Covent Garden. Black John and I left the others and walked to Liberty’s to get Easter Eggs. John was getting one for Jules and I was going to get an egg for Flattie. Unfortunately Liberty had sold out and all that was left were a few broken eggs and ducks with missing heads. :-( Oh, well I’ll get Flattie a cheap and nasty one from Woolworths.

In the evening it was Fox’s, “Come as a Tube Station” party. I don’t know why, but I had a bad feeling about this one. Flattie was dismissive, “Fox has invited over 175 people and everyone is making a real effort with costumes.” Flattie had hired a wimple form the fancy dress shop and was going as Nunhead, which isn’t actually a tube station but he wanted to wear a wimple and that was that. I had planned to go as Barbican. I was going to have a Barbie and a can of coke on a chain. However when I told Flattie he explained that Iain Mac was already doing that. I then thought I would get a bit creative and go as a NY Subway Station, like Spring Street, but again Flattie was dismissive, “It has to be a London Underground Station” I decided not to mention about Nunhead again. Black John was pinning a square of greaseproof paper to his t shirt ( Russell Square) and had said I should just burn a hole in my t shirt. (Holborn) I should explain that no one wanted too complex a costume as there was talk about going on somewhere after and so your outfit had to be “day to night” as it were. We met Big Word Will in the pub. He had two outfits, a hat and a wooden cross (Hatton Cross) and also a necklace made out of wire coat hangers. ( Hanger Lane) Fox greeted us at the door wearing a Posh Spice mask and fake boobs (Victoria). We through walked into the kitchen and I laughed as I saw two packets of Pringles. (see yesterday’s entry) Fox's brother was wearing a red cape and a crown and had drawn on a frown. (Kings Cross) Our gang seemed to be out in the garden smoking. White John had a tinsel halo and a dildo down his trousers (St John’s Wood) Paul White also had a halo (Angel) Amir had a big curly wig (High Barnet) David Convy had a cross in a bag (New Cross) Bex had a dog collar(Barking) Daniel arrived in a wimple (what is it with whimples?) and six balloons with faces and whimples (Seven Sisters) The was a Golders Green, a Holloway, a Tooting or two,another Kings Cross and a couple of others I can’t remember. However there was not 175 people. I think there were about 20 people max. Poor Fox. Flattie had promised me there would be cute, available men. I thought they were probably at another pub and would show up later. At this point I am in the garden re enacting The Producers when I hear someone say, “Hey, it’s Sue!” I turn round to see that it is indeed Sue and she has brought along the guy I had been chatting up last week. Dan, the one I had made extra special effort with, who had asked for my number and then never returned my SMS messages. Grrrr! Flattie sniggered as he saw my face freeze in a fake fixed grin. I kissed Sue, ignored Dan and ran into the kitchen to make a couple of jugs of cocktails. I thought if I kept people’s drinks topped up the mood might brighten. I couldn’t do much about the music as the sound system was actually a tiny stereo and Daniel and Amir were fighting over which Spice Girls track they wanted next. Sue’s Dan came into the kitchen and I offered him a drink. “I’m sorry I didn’t text back but my mobile phone doesn’t have SMS facility”
“Does it have call facility?”
“I’m sorry, I should have called but...”
“You didn’t” I move around him wielding my cocktail jugs.

That was about it. People commented how hostly I was being as I poured and chatted and refilled all the while wishing I had stayed in the flat with a Thai Green Curry and a DVD. Some people decided to go to Queer Nation, but as the clocks went forward it was already 2am and I couldn’t face the club for the third week in a row. I walked back into the kitchen and saw Dan and Daniel snogging. Grrrrr. I walked upstairs and chatted a bit with Fox who was feeling a bit low as the party hadn’t really been a huge hit. He got a bit teary and I gave him a hug. It really was time to leave.

It’s now Sunday afternoon and there is no sign of Flattie. I suspect he went to Queer Nation and then onto the after hours club Beyond. I guess he will surface around 6

Friday, March 25, 2005


Hello there!

I planned to tell you all about the cute boys in The Box last night and how I left early and ended up watching “Broadway-The History of the American Musical Part Four 1980-2005” and feeling disappointed that I had missed Part Three which was all about West Side Story, Follies, A Chorus Line and Dreamgirls. Oh well. The commentators have gone crazy since yesterday and I have two questions from the floor today and so I will address those in manner of genial host.

Toddy lives on the other side of the world. I know because I looked up where Portland is in the World Atlas we keep at the agency to let models who come from Eastern Europe use to point out where their jumble of vowels and constanant villages are. I was looking for Portland near Boston, I thought it was some quaint seaside town on the East Coast. Imagine my surprise...Anyway the location of Portland means that Toddy and i are in completely different time zones and even though he left a message for me at 11am his time I didn’t receive it till this morning which is probably about the time the party is winding up and no one will be wanting to try a new vodka based cocktail. Hopefully if you did attempt to make them you didn’t use butter or shrimp, Toddy. I don’t know what the exact ingredients were, after all I was a guest at this illustrious event and unusually for me I did not take home a cater waiter. The lemony mixture they were adding to the champagne was a cloudy yellow colour and so i think it was a mixture of freshly squeezed lemon juice a little sugar syrup and a glugg of citron vodka. For those of you planning a party on a budget I think you could replace the champagne with Cava and no one would really notice.

I am not a big Sci Fi fan, but there are people out there who find that kind of thing fascinating and spend weekends at conference centres dressing up as overweight Captain Kirks and Lt Uhuru’s. Hell, I know people who dress up as Cher! I don’t judge. One of my readers (Oh, I can’t tell you how good it feels to write that!) has been asking about Dr Who. The has been a great deal of media interest in the new series. This is partly because anyone over the age of 25 spent their formative years watching the show from behind a sofa or under a cushion. This was scary stuff and we were too stupid to realise all you had to do to escape the Daleks was to run up a flight of stairs. Apparently in the new series the Darleks can hover and don’t have to trundle along like demented shopping trolleys. Remember these were the years before CGI and movies like Alien. We were a generation who had not been brought up on incredible special effects and so a quarry in Cornwall served nicely as the planet Zarg or whatever. The other reason the press are excited is that in this series The Doctor’s assistant is played by Billie Piper. Billie was a bit like a British version of Britney. She had her first hit age 16, by 18 she had gone from cute teen to sexy adolescent and shocked the nation by marrying multi millionaire media mogul (how’s that for alliteration, I should work for the tabloids) Chris Evans. Chris is not very attractive and is old enough to be her father. I wonder what she saw in him? Anyway they have recently split up and now she is relaunching herself as an actress. If previous assistants are anything to go by all she will have to do is keep running in the wrong direction, getting caught alot and screaming. Tough gig. Anyway if you go to and type Dr Who into the search engine on the site it will guide you to all kinds of stuff about the Dr. Incidentally, in his latest incarnation the Time Lord is played by Christopher Ecclestone who is actually quite hot in sticky out ears kind of way.

The other things the British Press are interested in this week are the state of the food being served to children as school dinners. Annoying Mockney chef Jamie Oliver has just finished a series where he tried to get the dinner ladies in one London borough to change the menu from chicken nuggets and chips to healthy freshly cooked food. Jamie Oliver really does wind me up, with his stupid “pukka” catch phrases, his whiney wife and his million pound contract with supermarket Sainsbury’s for their TV ads.While I appreciate he is trying really hard to do some good, please remember that the dinner ladies were working overtime for no money, while Mr Oliver can afford to buy Whiney Jules a gorgeous retro sports car as a surprise birthday present and jet off to Germany for a “gruelling” book tour.

The other thing the papers have been having a field day with is the British version of America’s Next Top Model. Make Me a Supermodel has been slated by every newspaper. It was offered to our agency but we turned it down as the producers explained they wanted to make a really confrontational show. They ended up going with Select Agency, and the show has been renamed Give Me An Eating Disorder. It is so nasty and vindictive. The three judges are dreadful. The Tyra Banks role has been handed over to Rachel Hunter. An ex-shag of Rod Stewart and no stranger to the cheeseburger herself, she is supposed to be the friendly mentor. Next up is the director of the Men’s Division of Select ( I guess the womens bookers were too ashamed to take part?) who comes across as barely literate and fashion photographer Perou, who is just a total tosser. I can’t help myself, I have to watch the poor girls being forced to strip naked, engage in lesbian role play and have their clothes thrown in the incinerator. Car crash TV!

Right time to go out and make the most of this day off!

Thursday, March 24, 2005

I have a slight headache...

I thought today would be quiet. People closing down for the Easter holiday but it seems to have gone a bit mental and so I have not had chance to write a lengthy account of H&M's party. Here is a mini version. I had some work to finish off and so I arrived a little later than the rest of the crew. My name was not on the list. Humiliation, especially as the girl on the door was standing next to the ranks of Paps. Needless to say no one took a picture and I did my hair special! I think the guest list girl realised I had spent a bit of time on my hair because she smiled and let me in. (It was the opening of a shop after all!) It was 25% off everything, which at H&M means that they are practically paying you to take the stuff away. The champagne and lemon vodka cocktails slipped down a treat, the champagne and vanilla ones were not as pleasant, but there was plenty of them. I found our lot, clutching armfuls of stock in a buying frenzy. David and Greg were doing the jumpers, Clare was trying to convince herself that her bum would look nice in a pair of white jeans and Sandi was adding to her collection of handbags. (I believe we are in triple figures!) The New Faces boys were looking gorgeous and knocking back the cocktails like fruit juice. This may have explained why they ended up wearing Superman pants over their trousers and cowboy hats, playing hide and seek.

I bumped in to Luke from Attitude, whose hair is quite Farah Fawcett. I also saw Alan Gelati and Andrew Borthwick, the bookers from Storm, Nicola from Dazed, Jonathan the promoter who is doing Tart at Substation tonight, Richard Arnold from GMTV ( I think you should be buying a larger size sir!) Jimmy Carr (the comedian) and a bunch of other fashion types. Erin O'Connor arrived with her booker Tori late and so we all piled out and nipped down the road for more drinks and a gossip at The Grapes. Fraser (Junior booker on the women's division) was sat next to Erin doing an impression of a goldfish. I think he was a little star struck. Erin teased me about how disappointed her sister was when she discovered I batted for the other team, and no, before you evils say anything Erin's sister is not deaf and blind!

I got home just before midnight and may have eaten some chips. Eeek! Lovely flatmate had taped Desperate Housewives and Make Me An Anorexic Depressive, sorry Supermodel.

The goody bag was actually a chocolate Easter Egg containing a diamante cross. I brought some socks anyway!

Happy Easter.

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

According to the stupid rules...

if the guy I gave my number to on Sunday night was interested he would have called or texted me by now. All that crap about new hope in the World of Gay, well it must have been two glasses of red doing the talking. Still I am not the only one suffering, and if I feel down I can always run over to which I would have written as a cool hyperlink but I can't figure out how to do it! He seems to be having as much trouble as me and at least mine don't bother getting in touch rather than leaving grouchy comments for all to read!

Anyway, there is an exclusive fashion party tonight and I am on the guest list!! Tra la la! It was mentioned as the event of the week on! OK, OK, I know it's just a shop opening, but they can be glamourous. Alright, so it's the opening of the new H&M Flagship store in London, but just think of the goody bag! Pair of socks, anyone?

Monday, March 21, 2005

Good Stuff somtimes happens

So I went to the pub tonight because I had to make sure Iain was not too cross that I had told Jamie he makes Iain miserable. Flattie had gone off to see nieces or nephews (or so I thought) and I was almost ready to settle down with QVC. Iain had told me he was having drinks with Sue and Andy. As I have renounced my membership to World Of Gay I was just going along to have a glass of wine and bit of conversation. I did not expect Sue to have such a cute boyfriend. I did not expect to discover that said boyfriend was actually just a gay mate. I did not expect to leave the pub once again an optimistic member of World Of Gay, with a sense that something good might just happen.

Friday, March 18, 2005

He's here!

Very briefly: Al and Simon have a baby boy. I'm going to meet him tonight. It was all a bit traumatic. Al is tiny, (4'11) and he was too big! He got stuck and so they had to do an emergency caesarian. When he finally emerged he looked like a Cone Head, but Al assures me he has returned to humanoid form! Al has to stay in hospital for a couple of days so I am nipping in tonight after work with emergency supplies, Vogue, Heat and Hello! I might sneak in a copy of Mother and Baby Magazine too.

Last night I celebrated at Rollerdisco at Bagleys Warehouse. Three rooms, old school quad skates and great music. I went with five people from work as a reccy for a big night out. It surpassed all expectations and everyone, even Grumpy, was whizzing around with a smile on his face. A team outing is being planned!

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Baby Love....

was cracking open a bottle of red when Flattie walked into the kitchen,
F: Hard day at work?
M: Al’s in labour!
F: Hmmm, I always had her down for a Daily Mail reading Tory.
M: No, no! It’s baby alert time.
So now we wait.....

Al is my best girlfriend. We have been incredibly close since we met in the Constitutional and Admin lecture during our first year of our Law Degree. I could write an epic about our adventures since then but if I tell you both her mother and her husband (Simon) came over on the day of her wedding and said that she should be marrying me, it should give you some idea of our relationship. When I found out she was pregnant, I felt very strange. I was delighted for them but this was tempered with a sadness and perhaps even a bit of jealousy. It’s just a reminder that the chances of me becoming a parent are neglible, and as an only child, I’m not even a real uncle to anyone. Enough of the self pity! I am a Nearly Uncle to my cousins kids and my other uni friends Lou and Ian have three boys I adore and have been lucky enough to be part of their growing up. Now I shall be a Nearly uncle again, and this time I’ve even been privvy to the naming debate. We’ll see how much imput I’ve had later. Anyway, when I last spoke to her the contractions felt like waves of constipation, uncomfortable, but not unbearable. I have never experienced waves of constipation, without going into too much detail, actually I am not going into any detail about my bowel movements here, it is not that kind of blog.

Good luck Al and Simon.

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

So much to tell., so little time..

I have at least four good blog stories but I just can't seem to find the time to sit down and write them. I keep hearing ringing in my ears and then when that stops I hear voices in my head. Don't worry too much, it's just that I am at work and it's the telephones. However because we are busy, I can't write properly about Lulu, or Iain Mac's dating disaster or Fox's evil text trickery or the vermin who got inside last night or the two fights I had at work yesterday or the junk fountain.

Tonight I have the dentist and then dinner (should be funny to watch me trying to eat spaghetti with a numb mouth!) with the soon to be parents. Tomorrow is JC's birthday dinner! Perhaps I can update this at the weekend? Sorry. Must try harder!

And I got two comments!! People actually stopped by and read this. Hurrah!

Friday, March 04, 2005

A slack update

Rufus was a strange concert. It was at a very small venue and was a bit of a showcase for the UK release of Want Two. I was lucky enough to get sent a copy last year and so I know the album pretty well but there were lots of people there expecting him to play more from his back catalogue. He only had half his band with him too, no backing singers:-( However he sounded great and interspersed the gig with witty stories, I think everyone went home happy.

Last night I went to see the revival of Matthew Bourne's Highland Fling. I love Matthew's work: and Highland Fling was his first full length ballet. His attention to detail is great, each dancer has a very specific character. The first act was set in a Glasgow club and then a flat in a housing project and was really funny and well observed but the second act fell a bit flat. The hero has fallen from the window and lands in a forest of Sylphs. They seduce him and then he tries to leave with the lady sylph who he saw in act one. He ends up cutting off her wings and she dies and he is attacked by the other sylphs and then becomes one himself. Last night's lead was Will Kemp, who is gorgeous. I've tried to persuade him to be a "Special Booking" for us on many occasions but he did the Gap ads and that is it. He wants to be taken seriously as an actor. I think he is going to find it hard because he has a bit of a stammer. Oh well.

After the show I met a couple of friends in the pub. One of my Flatmate's best friends was having a 30 year old crisis. Not satisfied with his job, partner. You know the thing. He has a lovely boyfriend, really nice job, cute dog and an amazing house, but it's still not enough. We had a few drinks and ended up in a bar we lovingly refer to as The Sewers. It has a late liscence and that is the only reason anyone goes there. I was starting to feel the effects of the wine I had been drinking and perhaps didn't quite show the restraint expected of me when I was introduced to the guy from the gym that IO have a bit of a crush on. I think telling him I had a crush on him was a mistake, especially as he was trying to get off with my friend John. Whoops. I left a bunch of them there and my flatmate texted me this morning to let me know he had spent the night with the brother of a Big Brother Contestant. Fortunately the paparazzi were not staking out the flat when I left this morning, but they may have heard about it by the time I get home tonight. They love a D list celeb relation story!

I have just brought a laptop. A girl at work was selling it to fund a trip to Thailand. It is a Sony something and is so cute. I have a clunky IMac at home but this one can go anywhere. Perhaps this will be the incentive to start my novel/play or to make more use of my camera. We'll see. I have decided to call it Lulu. I figure I will sound less dorky if I tell people I am spending the night in with Lulu, rather than I am playing with my lap top.